I think it's vital for some things to break before they can be made whole, made what they were always meant to be, made solid and most strong. With brokenness comes empathy and understanding, a new perspective, a new direction, an opportunity to stop and really evaluate the world around you and your place within it...do you really like where you're at? Do you really like the person you are at this moment? What could you do different right now to make you stronger, more whole? Sometimes - okay, more often than we would like to admit - we create patterns in our lives based upon others...it takes very little to create these patterns which then creates expectations and ultimately the opportunity for disappointment. I went to sleep and woke up with one seemingly huge, open-ended question:
What can I do different (with my life, with myself) right now? Which then leads to: What do I need to eliminate from my life to be happiest? What do I need to add to my life to be the best I can possibly be? What have I set aside, accidentally or on purpose, that I need in my life? Over the past six years I've lived very purposely...in some ways. In others I've left much to chance, not taking initiative yet just waiting for the chips to fall and then finding myself frustrated with where they land. Life is meant to be lived, meant to be felt and experienced and I'm the only one who gets to set the course for mine. I very much believe that life is all relationships and the rest is just...stuff. To me, it's the people we share our life with who are most important and thus I find myself creating my life around those I care so much about...even if they aren't doing the same with me. I hold on tight and find it hard (okay, nearly impossible) to let go when I'm supposed to. But, right now, in this moment, I am thinking about me...about where I fit and what I feel...trying to clear out all the cobwebs and get myself out of the way so I can be as emotionally healthy as possible (thank you very much Elizabeth Gilbert.) I've grown..stagnant, losing more than I gain. It's time to stretch a little, to try something different, to reset my priorities and help me for a while. I know, this all sounds very cliche and all "feel goody"...but, there's really no other way to put it. I've allowed myself to get a little lost, to stop growing...maybe even retreating a little recently...and that scares me. I am at a point where I'm being totally honest with myself...something someone very close to me has taught me, sometimes forced me to do. I'm good, I promise. I'm not depressed or anything. I think it's important to find our truth...we expect honesty from others yet find it easy to hide from our own absolute truth, our own absolute honesty. Who are we in our most raw form? In our most vulnerable moments? Who do we want with us in those moments? Create your truth. Don't hide from it. Allow the brokenness to make you...make me...whole. Seek whatever it is life is supposed to be about...for you, for no one else. Seek it with all you have and protect it fiercely. This is where I am. In this moment. Right now. Meet me here or move on. It's okay if our stories aren't meant to be one. All that matters is the moments, the memories and the people we share them with. Meet me where I'm at...
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