This life
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""We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect."
- Anais nin

​close to perfect.  sometimes messy.  almost always complicated.  blessed.  a little unfocused.  always searching.  constantly hoping.  mine.

be genuine

5/6/2014

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What would you say to someone if you knew it was the last time you would get the chance to tell them what you think...how you feel?  And, I don't mean because of death...but simply because life sometimes works that way.  Think about it.  Things happen...how many times have you left someone and assumed you would have more time and for whatever reason, important words never get said.  Would you hold back, or would you finally be totally honest?  Would you allow yourself to open up fully, giving everything you've withheld, sharing every intimate detail of what that person means to you...or, would you let it all go thinking that it just doesn't matter or wouldn't make a difference to them?  
I have no doubt those words matter - more than any of us can imagine or would even admit, I would venture to say.  If you ask an older person if they regret anything, never do they say they wish they had worked more or spent more time on projects...no, the answer is almost always the same - they wish they had spent more time with those they loved, and had made it a point to tell them exactly how they feel even if those feelings aren't shared.  
Time.  We don't ever get it back.  The clock can never be reset, the hands can never be rewound.  A moment passes and it's simply gone.  We are promised nothing...only death.  Everything else is ours to cherish and treasure or waste and regret.  And people come at the highest cost.  
I'm no different.  There are times I've let slip by...words I've held back...people who may not know what they mean to me...and I hate that.  And, sometimes, I say exactly what I feel and end up feeling...foolish...especially when I hear crickets instead of a wished for response.  But...I've decided it's better to feel...maybe even to be seen as...foolish, or that I care, or feel, too much if it means someone knows they matter, that they are loved.  I can't think of a single time I've said what I'm feeling that I regret, but can name many where I held back and wished more than anything that I hadn't.
I read something earlier that said "people who hide their feelings usually feel the most".  As someone who is typically very guarded, I can attest to that...while I find it easy to feel, I actually have a really hard time expressing that which I'm feeling.  Why?  Well, for the same reasons everyone else does I'm sure.  I don't want to be seen as weak or foolish and it's hard to admit to feeling something that isn't reciprocated.  I'm trying to be more honest with my feelings...to be as genuine with those around me as possible.  The hard part is when you realize you aren't getting the same in return.  So, I'm challenging you to do just that...to be open to those you truly care about.  Invest in them.  Give them what they deserve from you.  Be honest with yourself, and with them.  Don't hold back out of fear because ultimately you will be the one left with regret and disappointment when they finally walk away after not getting what they need simply because you were too afraid to give it to them.  Today is one less day we have.  Make sure you don't waste it on something so stupid as fear.  
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