This life
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""We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect."
- Anais nin

​close to perfect.  sometimes messy.  almost always complicated.  blessed.  a little unfocused.  always searching.  constantly hoping.  mine.

Good-Enoughist

8/22/2019

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Friends...I got lost for a bit...felt lost for a bit...well, more like I had nothing to say - nothing WORTH saying...so, I just stopped writing.  I let my website lapse, let go of something I had originally felt so proud of, just set it all aside because I couldn't give it everything I felt it deserved.  And, with each passing day, my little website building icon would stare at me and I found myself looking away from it like you would if it was something that caused you pain or shame.  Which, if I'm honest, it exactly what was happening.  I guess that's what happens when you ignore something that matters - even if you feel like you have nothing worthy to give.  But, what I've recently realized is, my voice is still there...the thoughts still waiting to be heard...I just have to let go of some pride and fear and find my way back to the truth that has always been mine - words.  So, bear with me, because this could be slow and maybe a little painful, but I'm praying the words will come.  I've missed them...as odd as that may sound.  Because the words are the doorway to insight, to thought, to finding my way...and I've felt like all of that has been missing for quite some time - like I've got a huge hole in me and I need to find a way to fill it up.  Also, the reality is, I'm the weird type of perfectionist who believes if I can't do something absolutely perfect, why should I try it at all?  Honestly, in my opinion, it's the worst kind of perfectionist to be because there are so many things I just don't try out of fear of failure - you'd think that by now I could out-grow that, but so far I'm still struggling big time with that one.  
"I'm a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring 'good-enoughist'." - Brene' Brown
If Brene' can work on it, so can I.  So, here's to being "good enough" and putting one word in front of the other in the hopes that something worthwhile finds its way onto the page.
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