Welp...

Like many of you, I'm struggling with the world around me.  I think often of getting off social media and never turning on the news again.  While I know there are people out there trying to do good, and even some who take the time to share that goodness with the rest of us, what seems to find its way into my feed and onto my tv screen is typically the polar opposite of good.  And today, with the Me Too campaign, I hit my wall.  Followed up quickly by the less than shocking story about the President when asked about LGBTQ people in a meeting, gestured toward the Vice President and said, "don't ask that guy - he wants to hang them all!"  Yes, he was joking.  Yes, there was absolute truth in his statement.  The two men elected to lead our country find it perfectly okay to 1) talk candidly about hanging an entire portion of our population and 2) not realize the gravity with which their comments (and worse, their core belief systems) weigh down our already struggling social system.  What on earth is wrong with these people?  
Let me back up...I've seen the many posts shared by women I love and respect, women I don't really know,  women I know carry stories worth way more than some hashtag...and like just about any woman out there, I could add my own hashtag too - show me a woman who hasn't had dirty words thrown her way...show me a woman who hasn't been touched inappropriately...show me a woman who doesn't fear for their daughter who is growing up in a world where there is so much confusion between tolerance and intolerance - but I don't want to add another hashtag.  See...if you take the above story about 45 and 45.5, it's no wonder women feel violated in 2017.  It's no wonder domestic violence shelters still exist.  It's no wonder men think it's okay to treat women like property or even less than that.  And, it's no wonder people are sick and tired of feeling ignored and are finally standing up for themselves.  
This issue is so much bigger than color or race or sex or sexual preference.  Do I fully get everyone's choices in life?  Of course not.  Do I fully understand all the ways we are different?  Nope.  Are there some things that make me uncomfortable?  If I'm totally honest?  Yes.  Do I feel guilty for feeling these things?  Yes.  But, I also know it's okay to believe what I believe...to live my life the way I see fit...to instill certain beliefs in my daughter...to worship as I wish...to love who I want...to wear what I want...to drive and work and write and eat wherever, whenever, whatever I want - mostly because of the color of my skin and the part of the world I was born in.  White privilege.  Yes, I went there.  It's real and it's the giant, pink elephant camped out in almost every conversation these days.  But...I'm also a woman.  A divorced mom who has lived alone for almost as long I was married - and here's the really dirty part of this story - most of the nasty comments and inappropriate touching happened in these past eight years, many times by married men who somehow thought I was fair game...sometimes even by men who I thought were my friends.  But, the truth is, they didn't respect me...they saw me as something less...something they thought they could just take...and while I never once thought it was okay....I also knew it was "normal" - whatever that is.  And now, in 2017, we seem to be taking steps backwards rather than forwards...and that is the most disappointing and frightening part about all of this to me.  I know change takes time.  I know people fear change.  I know power is greater than change much of the time...so, back to where this post came from...
What I really thought of when I saw all  those Me Too posts was that we don't need one more thing to remind us of the shitty darkness in the world.  We don't need one more way to come together based upon yet another social injustice...just hear me out...  What we need is to focus on the ways things ARE better...the ways this world we live in isn't completely falling apart.  For example, without much thought, I realized I know of four women preachers - women who in the not so distant past, would never have been allowed in the pulpit.  Women who lead congregations.  Women who counsel and share their beliefs openly with people who trust them to lead them in their spiritual journey.  Women who have looked at the glass ceiling over their shoulder and gave it the bird.  Yes, it's harder to find the good...but we have to look for it.  We have to remind ourselves of it.  We have to share it and celebrate it and give it more power than the bad.  We have to stop and listen to one another rather than blame and draw lines in the sand and choose sides.  Sometimes, many times, there isn't a right or a wrong.  There is only different.  And different may be uncomfortable,  but that doesn't make it wrong.  We have spent so much time and energy focusing on the wrong things rather than really taking the opportunity to make a difference.  What would it hurt to really talk about why NFL players are kneeling rather than pointing out all the reasons we are offended by it?  What would it hurt to let people love who they love and simply celebrate the fact that they found someone to love?  These are super sensitive subjects and I'm uncomfortable talking about them myself (mostly because I avoid conflict at all cost), but at this point I don't see what good we're accomplishing by NOT having these conversations.  For the love of God, stop being so offended...stop taking everything so personal (Hint:  it's not all about you)...and start getting personal with the people around you...start saying the things that matter...start showing compassion and empathy and grace...and start listening more with the intent to really hear the other person.