I have a box full of "drafts" - posts I've started and stopped for one reason or another, and as I was sitting here in front of this way too blank screen yet again, I realized that life is a lot like my box full of "drafts". We start something with really good intentions, often full of excitement and love ready to pour our heart and soul into whatever or whomever our current passion is only to then be discarded when we can't get it to work or feel like we want or need it to. We do this with all sorts of things...projects, jobs, people...and I would venture to say, if you really look at your life, you would see a discard pile of what if's and could have's and just didn't work out's. Now, I'm not saying these are bad things. We stop doing things for a reason and we have to pick and choose what we have time and energy for in our lives - I'm no different, I do the exact same thing. We try things out and if they don't fit like we need them to, we try something else. There is nothing wrong with this...unless all you ultimately find yourself doing is discarding...rather than finding things that are worth moving from the "draft" box into the "publish" (or keep, or love, or cherish, or save, or whatever) box.
By this point in my life I can easily say if you are in my life you are here for a reason, mostly because I value you and your place in my life and I've chosen to make room for you. I am fiercely protective of my time and think it is my most valuable possession...how does the saying go? Something about being careful about who or what you give your time to because wasted time is much worse than wasted money... I regret little. I believe that every one of my decisions has gotten me right here, in this moment, with the people in my life currently. There are things I'm questioning desperately right now, things I'm trying really hard to not beat myself up for (aren't we all our own worst enemy and biggest critic?) and things I'm trying to selfishly make peace with. As each year passes I find that there are fewer and fewer things I am for sure about. More and more I discover the importance of moments and the people we share them with. I continue to learn the impermanence of everything...that nothing is guaranteed and no matter what I believe or hope for or love or want, very little is truly within my control.
I sit across a desk from people who ask my advice every single day. Sometimes they are struggling with things so far beyond my understanding that I am left shaking my head, but more often, we have conversations that leave me appreciating how very similar all of our most basic struggles truly are. Almost every one I meet is battling loneliness and fear of failure. They have been beat up emotionally be those they thought they could trust, and have been left feeling like there aren't many people who truly care about them. They question their value, their ability to make good decisions, their self-worth and their place in not only the world, but more importantly, in the lives of those closest to them. And, with every conversation, I find some point of relevance...some similarity...some lesson to be learned - by me, not them. I constantly say that this job gives me...teaches me...perspective. Not just about my place in life or about how fortunate I am, but more so about my relationships with everyone around me. There is no price tag or dollar value I can put on the people I share this life with. While all the tangible parts of life - all the things money can buy - are nice, they mean little without people to share them with. The wealthiest people I know may have little on paper, but have the good sense to cherish those surrounding them and understanding the absolute value of people over things.
I've accomplished little this past year. I feel like the last 12 months have gone by so quickly and I'm sort of left with my head spinning. I'm really in no different place than I was this time last year, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but, like many of you, I had hoped for more and am struggling with a little disappointment. I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be an incredible year. I honestly have no idea what I'm basing this on or why I feel this way, but for some reason I just do. So, I'm focusing forward now and setting my "drafts" aside to make room for whatever is coming next. I'm praying that above all I've learned from these things in my past and that I'm ready for whatever is coming next. That's the real test, right? Life is about learning from the past so it doesn't repeat itself...so we are able to live intentionally and with thankful hearts, giving more than we take and cherishing moments and people rather than things. So, reread your "drafts" in order to learn from them and then create something worth "publishing"...