Enough

Enough.  It's a word I've struggled with my entire adult life.  I've never felt like I was enough.  Never.  It is my greatest weakness, my biggest insecurity...it cripples me in the most secure relationships once I feel like I somehow don't measure up and destroys me in any situation where doubt already exists.  I question my abilities and assume I'm not wanted with almost any negative comment.  I fear being left and generally assume nothing lasts forever...although I want so badly to create something with someone that just might.  I am part hopeless romantic and part realistic cynic.  The former causes me to be overly sensitive while the latter makes me jaded and guarded.  Today I've felt both much less than enough...tossed aside, unwanted, not worth it...and then, after what has been a few tough work weeks, I was reminded by two of my families that while I don't realize it, I do help, I do matter, I do make much more of a difference than I could ever know...that, to them, I have been enough.  They will never know how much I needed to know that.  Their words can't replace others that are missing, but they do help.  I'm fairly certain that, to me, I will never feel like I'm enough...that's my hang up, my issue, my problem...but, it's nice to know that for a few I'm more than that...or, at least, just what they needed me to be.  And isn't that really the definition of "enough"?  Not more than.  Not excess.  Just the right amount.  Sufficient to meet a need or a desire.  Just what you need, nothing more.  Maybe that's what we all need to look for...