The other day M and I were in the car talking about music and how much we missed concerts and all the things we had hoped to do this year. I mentioned that I feel like we have missed out on so much, that we didn’t get to really plan and look forward to things like we have in the past...that it feels like there hasn’t been much to look back on this year. And she paused and said, “But it’s still been a really good year.”
Bam. Just like that my perspective changed. My view went from all I feel like we’ve missed out on, everything I THOUGHT she might have been focusing on in that moment, to one of immense gratitude and...peace.
See, I when I think of what this past year has been like, or what we’ve missed out on, most of what I think about is what SHE has potentially missed out on and memories we should be making in the ever-present reality that she is growing up. I feel like we are in a constant mourning period - mourning life experiences she should be having as a 16 year old, and those we should be sharing in the time before she is all grown up.
I started a gratitude journal this week - I thought about doing that on here, but that was more than I could handle this round. Anyway, this morning as I sat down with my cup of coffee and my little notebook, I was trying to come up with three amazing things from yesterday. (I’ve chosen to focus on things I’m grateful for, a simple affirmation and three things that were amazing from the day before.) Most days coming up with what I’m grateful for is easy - while the things I write down are simple in words their meaning to me is typically much greater - but finding three amazing things to celebrate often has me stumped which causes me to feel a bit sad, but this morning it occurred to me that I’m looking for the wrong things. I’m taking “amazing” to mean the really big moments...the concerts and nights out, the Sunday brunches with my girlfriends, the trips, exploring the city with no agenda - all the things that I typically would spend time looking forward to, but have basically been put on the back burner since early March. So much seems mundane lately...it makes it hard to really see moments that are worth celebrating, but maybe this is when we should be noticing them the most...or, at least redefine what amazing moments are in the world we currently live in. I’ve been quick to say these past several months that I’m thankful for the extra time with my teenager who would have been gone much more if it had been any other year. But, I haven’t been quick to really make the most of that time.
M’s words were a beautiful reminder that all has not been lost this year, that we have MUCH to be thankful for, that despite a pandemic that has altered almost every aspect of our lives, IT HAS BEEN A REALLY GOOD YEAR.
I’m going to try and look at life through those glasses, with that perspective...to see the beautiful and amazing in the mundane...to take this Groundhog Day shit storm we are wading through and make the most of each day. What are your three amazing things today?