the end of 36

36.  Thirty-six.  A number.  Nothing more...or, is it?  I love birthdays...I always have.  We each get one day each year that is ours alone.  One day to celebrate who we are, but lately I've been thinking about that...about the people I choose to spend this life...these 36, almost 37 years with and how each of them are a part of where I am, a part of how I've gotten to this point in my life. 

I have friends from every stage of my life...many from childhood - those who know my family, my past, me as a kid and a teenager and who I feel the deepest rooted connection - they know me from a time before life took hold of me, from a place of purity and clarity...our stories are woven with threads of transparency and are tied together with knots of time.  Then there are those from various stages of my adult life...a few from college, many from past jobs and churches I've attended...some who know me before I got divorced and some after...some who've walked through the darkest parts of my life with me and others who've only known me for what seems like a moment yet have taken up a special place in my heart.  There are many from over the years who I now only know through the magic of Facebook - what you could call mere acquaintances I suppose, yet each of which I cherish in some special way.  From church camp friends I made when I was nine to those of you I've met in casual passing but have now become something so much more...you are each a part of the tapestry of my life.  You are each a part of my story and when I look back over the past year...as I often do when it gets close to my birthday...I am able to place each of you somewhere within the context of my memories and find myself thankful to have so many amazing friends spread over the pages of this little life of mine.  

For some reason I'm having a little trouble saying, ahem, accepting 37.  It's not that I feel old or think it's old or anything like that.  I'm honestly not sure what it is.  I think it's more that I feel unsure about what this phase of my life is supposed to look like - not that that should matter, but for some reason I guess it sort of does.  So, what I'm choosing to focus on this week is the people within my life...those of you who are with me now...those of you who are a huge part of who I am and where I am at this point.  I guess I want you each to know what this journey, and your place within it, means to me.  While I'm a words person, I'm not always the best at expressing how I actually feel.  So, I'm hoping to do a better job of that over the next few days, next few weeks.  I've always said I believe God surrounds us with the people He knows we need and that everyone is connected to those within their lives for some reason.  For me, this life is about the people in it...the people we get to walk through this crazy, beautiful, messy, amazing life with.  Without them...without you...my life would mean nothing.  I think that's why I like having a birthday party so much...I love to share that day with the people I care about most...love to be surrounded by as well as put these people I love so much all in one place for a few hours.  To those of you who fill my life...who make my life...I am so very blessed, so very thankful.  You make my life worthwhile, make it worth living, make it worth being the best I can be.  Whether I've known you my whole life or we've only just met...you give my life meaning and I look forward to what the next year holds for us.